Totally and utterly baffled.

Apocolypse Now.

Posted in Uncategorized by loisemma on August 30, 08

Something I recieved from U after a 3 hour, 8 minute conversation on Skype last night:

So today is officially my first day at the University of Hartford. I have really been in quite the whirlwind today. At first I was very nervous about the whole thing. Then, on the camping trip, everything evened out for the most part. I spent a lot of time with L____and T______. Maybe too much time. I am starting to get the feeling that the initial “thrill” of that joker, U W, is starting to slowly and painfully rub off. Now I think that they are beginning to see my anti-social habits and are seeing that I don’t really open up to many people at all.
Conversely, I opened up like hell to Lois. After about two hours of chatting and agreeing that we share the same feelings, both emotional and physical, about so many things, I came to the conclusion that I love her. I guess that that’s the way that love works out sometimes. You can really love someone without knowing it until you take a step back, look at the big picture and see how much they have benefited your life and experiences and the potential they have to do so time and again. Love isn’t always that “butterflies-in-the-stomach” type feeling which Hallmark and American Greetings has beaten into us repeatedly throughout our lives through social conditioning and mass marketing. Love can be a whole new dimension which grows from a friendship, and in this case, one of the deepest of friendships that very few are blessed or privileged enough to have. It seems that at one point my best friend was my stumbling block, my inhibitions my greatest enemy, and distance the ultimate impediment. I know for a fact that God loves us all. But at the same time I feel as though he’s drowned us in life’s shit.
Sometimes, wondering about what could have been and the potential of what could still be can be the life preserver that God decides to throw to us.

It scares me how much we miss things just because. Why does G-d let us just go over these moments without a thought? One day, somewhere, there might just be something between 2 people and it will just be blown over.  I told you last night changed my life, I just wasn’t alone. U and I are way too similar.

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One Response

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  1. Carmina said, on September 13, 08 at 10:03 am

    beautiful


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